Am I the Only One Having “Momversations” with My Kids?
Momversations. No, you’re not missing “something”. And no it’s not a “thing”. Yet. My 17-year-old son coined the phrase the other day. And once again, whether intentionally or not, he taught me a great lesson. Here’s the back-story:It’s busy in our household these days. Two working parents, business trips, play rehearsals, household construction (don’t ask!), two graduating seniors – one college and one high school, hand surgery for her, wisdom teeth for him, and endless other “stuff”. You get the picture.
I was feeling particularly disconnected from my son and desperate to chip away at the endless questions/decisions that surround senior year in high school. Truth be told, I don’t do well with the unknown. I’m a planner and an organizer and the consummate list maker. And boy did I have a list for my boy! So seeing an opportunity over my son’s recent February vacation to spend some much needed time together, I scheduled a few “stay-cation” plans. With time away from the house, we’d get the chance to talk. So I thought.
Over lunch on that first day, I whipped out my list and starting shooting at rapid fire. “Have you thought about what colleges you might want to eliminate from your list?” “Have you decided if you want to participate in the senior internship program?” “Are you going to perform a monologue for the audition or play your bass?” Without missing a beat, he replied, ”Is this going to be one of our ‘Momversations’?”
I bit my tongue. I know I'm the tough one in the house. Someone has to be. Eli would NEVER call it a “Dadversation!” Not that my family lives in a sitcom, but we sometimes take on the stereotypical roles of “All Business Mom” and “Disneyland Dad.” Modern Family anyone?
However, the “Momversation” comment made me realize that, like a bad poker player, I’ve become too transparent. My son knew as soon as I asked, “Can we go over a few things?” that our conversations drift to the “business of managing Eli”. He knows I'm always thinking five steps ahead in order to be prepared. Frankly it’s exhausting. And if I’m exhausted, well I'm guessing he’s tired of me.
So did we ever have our “Momversation”? Actually, yes. And really good ones! Just not that day.
So what did I do differently? I approached it from a much softer angle. No endless round of questions. No board meeting atmosphere. No timer on the table (kidding!) We put Eli in charge of what he wanted to talk about and let the conversations flow naturally. So did I get all my answers? Not all… and I still have my list. I’ve just become much better at not needing to have it all checked off in a day!
Email me at Leslie@orderoochaos.com and let me know about your “momversations.”
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